simply powerless

Most unfortunately, and an even more unfortunate trait of the times we live in, my family has faced some moments of real life terror in the last few weeks. Between an active shooter who killed a student at the University of Utah and a scary lockdown at the schools the other three attend, we had a dose of reality that shook my core. Alex survived his lockdown experience easily as he was the only boy locked down in a sorority house….as he says, “Legendary, right?” But as I sat for five hours, 1000 miles away, watching the local news coverage, I realized how helpless … Read more…

Mirror, Mirror

I don’t recognize the girl in the mandatory PTO Board school picture. I don’t feel the age that comes with the lines that circle her eyes. I don’t know whose neck is folding in the newly taken passport picture. I don’t know how to rectify the age I feel in my soul with the one that returns my stare in the mirror. I’m not sure I’m game for procedures that will leave my face looking like I’ve used a Snapchat filter because deep down in my toes I know the wrinkles affirm nothing other than the rather notable achievement of being alive. … Read more…

this blog feels like a lie

I’ve said nothing lately. I’ve written, more Dear Diary entries than anything else because I do still have a lot to say. There’s the current political situation that has me all tied up in knots. My oldest is off at college and that’s a tangle of all kinds of emotions. And there’s life on an island with a family of six that offers enough daily anecdotes to wallpaper my house. But, lately, putting the words out there feels hard. I don’t want to offend anyone with my left leaning views. I don’t want anyone to read too much into a story about … Read more…

this is 45

mother wife holder of multiple familial titles beneficiary of gorgeous friends searcher of soul baring conversation rain lover sun adorer appreciator of snow weather welcomer tickled pink island girl owner of chickens and bunnies and puppies-oh my log cabin liver fretful earthquake tracker self absorbed selfie taker barrecor better newly baptized intrepid hiker filled with vitality reader and searcher of knowledge inspiration seeker author craving the ability to write more words what’s her name what’s her name Julie Lynn Farley late to the party Hamilton obsessor imaginary lyricist for Lin-Manuel Miranda filled with conviction marred by indecision constantly wondering how … Read more…

me

it’s been one year. a year that’s been all kinds of Dickensian…filled with the best of times and the worst of times. our hardest moments as a family and the most fun we’ve had together. endings and beginnings. good-byes and hellos. old friends we’ve grown closer to and new friends we feel like we’ve known for a lifetime in that good kind of tell-the-truth-about-life kind of way. i’m not the same girl who got on the plane with tear-filled eyes last year. i’ve changed…physically and mentally. i’m more me than i’ve ever been. i’m living with an authenticity and contentedness … Read more…

Two thousand one hundred ninety two days

I bought you flowers today, Dad. Red tulips. Yellow would have been more your style but red fit my mood and the spirit of the holiday season. 52,604 hours have gone by since your last breath. And I’m certain you would recognize very little of the life I’m living for big reasons and tiny nonsensical reasons. I drink Kombucha now. A fermented tea that reminds me of the healthy foods you insisted I eat when I really just wanted Honey Nut Cheerios. I’m obsessive about my workouts just like you used to be when you’d pick us up for our … Read more…

This.Is.Life.

Eva was all smiles as she ran into the car with our Starbucks mobile order this morning. (A quick aside, please know I am aware of the privilege and beyond-first-world-problem perch that I sit on as I write this.) “Mommy, they have the red cups and they’re awesome and they’re playing Christmas music in there and Christy Ann and Brooke say hi,” she said in her preteen-never-take-a-breath-voice. “I want to go back and stay in there all day!” Oh, sweetie, me too, me too… This week has been hard. Hard may not even be the appropriate word. Devastating may be … Read more…

Season of Settling In

The first eight months of this year were filled with getting acquainted with our new home. Time was spent visiting, exploring, and unpacking. Over the last week I’ve felt a seismic change. Maybe it’s because the kids are back in school. Maybe it’s because we’ve left and returned to this cabin in the woods. Maybe it’s because after eight months you have to hang up the word “new” as an excuse or way of explanation. Whatever it is, suddenly it all feels a bit more real. I’m a PTO board member. We have dentists and doctors and our mail is … Read more…

Where have I been?

I know the technical and physical answer to this question. We spent almost three weeks back in Virginia. Traveling around visiting with family and friends. Remembering good times and creating memories to carry us until our next visit. Never sitting down for longer than one course of a meal. Exploring Alex’s next steps and leaving laundry in several zip codes. I learned most friendships never die and it’s easy to pick up right where you left off even if you’ve spent most of the year 3000 miles apart. But then I remembered I was living out of a suitcase and … Read more…

Six months, 5 chickens, and 1 rabbit later…

We’ve been here for just over six months. We’ve had a happy barrage of visitors in recent weeks and quite honestly I’ve been too busy picking up dust bunnies to put together many words. But I feel like I need to mark this milestone with words rather than another round of dust mopping. Six months ago I had no idea what my life would look like. I honestly had no idea if we’d find happiness ever again. I was worried that Alex would disappear in the middle of the night and catch the next ferry to the mainland. Yes, I … Read more…