Something made me happy

Lots of things made me smile today…I’m happy that we have power and don’t have any damage. As I drove around town I saw lots of devastation. I am happy that life seemed to be back to normal. I spoke with and saw Lisa a half dozen times today (not that i didn’t during the storm but that just seems to be a sign of normalcy) and the boys ran around playing manhunt while we entertained our powerless (electricity wise) friends for dinner. I also found a new way to get some peace and quiet. I hadn’t heard from my mom in quite a few hours and she told me she was going to chop up some trees by herself. She is without power and her cellphone was ringing into voicemail. Dave and I tried her and finally I decided I needed to drive down and make sure she was ok. It’s almost 30 miles there and back so I had an hour in the car….by myself. So if I tell you I need to check on my mom you should be suspect.

All those things were great but the thing that made me the happiest was watching Gigs. She is her own person and I envy that. We went to the mall to do some back to school shopping and grabbed a little snack at Auntie M’s pretzel place. Ethan and Eva wanted cinnamon and sugar sticks (Ethan clearly copied Eva) and Gigs asked for a regular salt pretzel. I know that is not a big deal but she didn’t care what anyone else was getting. She knew what she wanted and asked for it. I watch her do that over and over again each and every day. And I am jealous.

I wasn’t like that as a child. I was my own person in the confines of my room but outside my room I was a conformist. One year for my birthday my dad bought me a pair of Esprit shorts. Shorts of that length were not allowed at middle school but skirts were. The shorts were blousy and wide like a skirt and should have been allowed but I was afraid to wear them and make waves. Gigs would have worn them with such confidence that the teachers would have been fine with it. I spent a lot of time trying to blend in and tried not to be the smartest of the smart. Sometimes I think I probably lost out on some fabulous opportunities in the name of conformity. That won’t happen to Gigs. I mean seriously, the child has even changed her name before she turned 5.

But right now I am not afraid to be my own person. I am happy to be the feather wearing, hair color changing mom. In fact I look for ways to make myself different. I have found the strength that I wish I had in middle school and high school. So I smile when I look at Gigi and I know she won’t have that struggle. In some ways though, that struggle led me to where I am today and I would not give up my current spot for anything.

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