I see…

Driving down the road anxious to return to my perch and nurse my sinus headache with my chai, I saw the trees.  The trees with their leaves that match the soil of the soon to be road.  The trees that are shouting their beauty to the world before they lose it and we realize we have taken them for granted all of these months.

The trees remind me it is fall again.  And I remember that two years ago this week my dad went into the hospital for the last time.  I knew as soon as I got the call on the way to the zoo for the twins preschool field trip that this was it.  My mind told me there was something different this time.  My mind knew that I would spend the next two years wishing I could capture a few more last moments.

And now I know you never recover from losing a parent.  You learn to cope.  But the pain doesn’t disappear.  I still have a first reaction to call him or email him about things.  Maybe it’s because it is October and we are watching the Yankees and the Nationals.  He was an early supporter of the Nationals.  He wore his Nationals hat with pride and took Eva to her first major league game…and his last.  I am sure he saw the blown call during the Yankees game last night and would have teased Justin about the fact that the Red Sox were already done for the year.   I also wish I could be discussing the presidential race with him.  He studied politics like no one I have ever met.  I know he would have been outraged by some of the things going on.  The 24 hour news cycle would be keeping him up.

There are so many things he didn’t get to do and see and I could shed quite a few tears about the injustice of it all.   The girls saw several shooting stars while they were camping this week and they told me they know it was Grandpa sending them a kiss.  And maybe now I need to focus and remember that he is no longer in just one spot he is everywhere and in everything I do.

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