I thought my white knuckle moment was going to come next month as we fly to California. See, I hate to fly. I do it anyway but I loathe it. My dad thought my fear was due to a lack of understanding so he would educate me on the mechanics of flight but really…knowledge never seemed to help. There’s simply something about metal in the air that my brain doesn’t like.
Yesterday I found something scarier than flying, driving with my son at the wheel. I’m not sure how we got to this point…him driving me…but it’s not my favorite and it happened too quickly. Last week he was toddling around the Children’s Museum hugging everyone within a twenty foot radius. Wasn’t it just two days ago that he needed to watch Darkwing Duck and drink chocolate milk every night before bed? So I’m not really sure who this 6’2″ character is who keeps calling me mom and asking me for more money. But I took this guy who claims to be my son to DMV and he passed his test so I let him drive through our neighborhood. And it was traumatic. I kept screaming, “BRAKE” and “STAY ON THE RIGHT SIDE OF THE ROAD!” He responded with little quips like, “Relax! I just forgot I was in reverse,” and “Take it easy, Mom. I’m just getting used to the steering wheel.” I held on to the door like my life depended on it because…it actually did. I called Justin and made sure GEICO knew about his presence on the road and said a silent prayer that the impending snowstorm would postpone any further driving lessons for the next few days.
Obviously, my fears accompany some issues I may have with not being in control. Or maybe the comfort of being stuck in my family room with HGTV blaring in the background and the fire roaring makes me satisfied with live and a little scared to move forward. This life keeps changing and moving, sometimes forward and sometimes backward, in good ways and not-so-good ways. Life goes on whether I’m ready for it to or not. And maybe I need to get better at holding on to the handles and letting my knuckles turn white because sometimes there’s some pretty great stuff on the other side of fear.