Made for t.v.?

I don’t want to see the made for t.v. version of your life.  I want to see into your heart. I don’t want to see the scrapbook of your day fixed with all the pretty accoutrements.  I want to see the flaws that made it real.  I want to see the eyeliner from your tears on your shirt sleeve.  I don’t want the sugarcoated version of your truth. I want the gut wrenching anguish and the exhilarating highs.  I want to feel your happiness and bear your smiles… Which is all good.  Because that’s just what my dad left me. … Read more…

Sick is sick I don’t care how you got there

This morning while I did a quick workout on the exercise bike I perused Facebook.  I saw a status update from a friend dealing with a chronic illness that said he was insulted by people calling addiction to alcohol and other drugs an illness.  I knew right away, at 6:55 a.m., that I was going to have to write a post about it because I wholeheartedly disagree.  I have two immediate family members suffering from serious and debilitating chronic illnesses.  I understand chronic illness.  It’s close to my heart.  I know how the trials they face each and everyday and … Read more…

I sat with a ghost at baseball today

I took the kids to watch one of Alex’s games today. The sky was polka dotted with white and grey clouds. The air was crisp enough to throw a scarf on. A perfect afternoon for a game – or two. I sat in the same set of bleachers on a strangely similar day almost three years ago, October 5, 2008. But on that day I sat with my Dad. Dad drove down to stay with me for the weekend while Justin was in San Francisco at a wedding. We had a weekend full of baseball just like we do this … Read more…

Something light to read while you watch football (I might be lying)

I’ve missed my dad’s letters over the last year. Well, I guess I didn’t get one during the last year of his life either. He was a prolific letter writer. An art that seems to have disappeared but he wrote to me to mark extraordinary events in my life but also to mark the ordinary as well. He wrote honestly in his larger than life handwriting. (I’ll try to add a picture of his handwriting but we just got a fab new computer and it’s not recognizing my scanner! Good job Apple!) While I was cleaning my office/studio space to … Read more…

Cleaning brought me to tears

I am vacuuming in all those little corners that never get attention this morning and I’m clearing out piles of paper that have accumulated from the beginning of school. And lo and behold under the papers I arrived at my dad’s ashes. They are in a jar next to the telephone. Usually they are completely covered and the telephone is never on the stand but today I have cleared the area out. The kids have no idea that the mason jar next to our change jar is filled with Grandpa. It’s a small jar – not all of dad because … Read more…